Friday, August 28, 2009

Quitting Smoking Kicks Ass!!!!


It's all to rarely that we come across the truly transformative written word. I mean sure, you're reading this on goodreads so I'm sure you probably read at least a book an hour right? But c'mon when's the last time one changed not only your perspective but actually made you change a physical habit? Unless you've been sneaking a peek at he Williams Sonoma Cookbook, I'll gamble not many. Well friends, it's your red letter, extra A+ lucky day! For The Easy Way to Stop Smoking: Join the Millions Who Have Become Nonsmokers Using the Easyway Method is indeed such a book. I know you're probably saying "Golly Gosh Steve, I've thought about quitting smoking but frankly even the contemplation is enough to accelerate the current psychological downspin I'm enduring that is typified by the unending sound of broken glass spinning in a centrifuge within a space time bubble where every word I hear sounds interlaced with an eternal shriek that is being distorted in an envelope of feedback thhat is both auditory and physically painful!" To which I'd like to respond in much the same way that D!r. Carr does which is essentially "don't stress man! it's going to be ok!!"
It's pretty easy to discern at this point why so many people believe Dr. Carr is a genius.
But tragically the most genius part of Dr. Carr's method has been tragically overlooked. Quitting smoking isn't just easy, it's a f**king blast. It's such a blast as a matter of fact, that I've decided to start integrating it as often as possible into my life (which explains how I went from half a pack to half a carton a day thanks to Dr. Carr's advice). Before? Sure I'd quit occassionally, I think the longest was about 2 or 3 years. Fortunately Dr. Carr has enlightened me to the dizzying possibilities that become available once you realize you can quit 20 TIMES A DAY (& that's just if you're a pack *<--pussy!*a day smoker!). Now that I've come to realize how religiously rapturous quitting smoking can be I've really started ratcheting up work on great times to quit...obviously this list is born of the deepest most private areas of myself, but goshdarnit! If you can't write about your deepest, most private, secret aspects on the internet then why else would Al Gore invent it? (duh!)
So without further ado...Here's Steves (still a work in progress of great times to quit smoking) 1.During Sex
2.While Eating
3.During baptisms
4.When visiting smoking friends (who obviously never discovered the raptuorous joys of quitting) in the hospital who are receiving O2.
Curiously, with the possible exception of #4 this corresponds pretty neatly with great times to start again (Because everyone loves a fresh beginning & nobody likes a quitter). "Golly Gosh Steve! You've sold me on this book! I know it sounds toooooo good to be true, but are there any other advantages to the EasyWay method?" I'm so glad you asked! The main point that sold me? Lemmee give a couple of scenarios.
Scenario 1:You haven't told anyone that you're quitting & you're acting like an asshole. "Jeepers man, maybe you'd lower that skyrocketing blood pressure of yours & STOP ACTING LIKE AN ASSHOLE if you'd just quit smoking...and don't you dare put that out on little Mikey!"
Scenario 2: You've announced to everyone in the Tri-State area that you're quitting smoking & you're acting like an asshole. "Gosh honey, I know you're trying really hard on this & I've heard it can be really challenging..why don't you step outside, grab a smoke, come back in & I'll f**k your brains out?" I don't think there's any question that for todays smoker? There's no other way that makes sense other than The Easy Way to Stop Smoking: Join the Millions Who Have Become Nonsmokers Using the Easyway Method. oh? You're a non-smoker and you want to read this bad boy? Well then you better start because you're gonna find out that quitting smoking....KICKS ASS!!!

6 comments:

Deanna said...

Have you quit yet?

bigcathead said...

Many, many, many times!!

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