Let's be honest, "what crawled up your vagina and died" is one of the greatest phrases ever written. Functioning not only as a somewhat visceral piece of condemnation, it's beauty lies within the fact that it's so much more than that. It's a mystery ("no really, for reals, what was it?"), it's a horror story ("Do you dear reader dare to enter the tortuous depths and discover what crawled up your vagina and died?")But most importantly....
It's sweet. Not to ruin anyone's day, but unless you're a regular reader of Kickass Tiger, you're going to die someday. It's a cruel twist that we're given a certain degree of volition to how we live our lives, but not nearly as much as to how they're going to end. Walking down the street K-ZAP!! Lightning!! Sitting down for a picnic AIIGH!!! Bear Mauling!! Getting ready for a little 'special time' with that 'special someone' K-ZAP! AIIGH!! MEIN GOTT EN HIMMEL!! That's right man, Lightning Bear Mauling Blitzkrieg!!! (<---this totally happens all the time and no one is doing anything about it!). Yet imagine, on the final day of your life if you could shrink down, return from whence you came, and in the warm oceanic embrace of the womb gently return to the components from which you were made.
Now don't get me wrong, I know a lot of you are not looking at my imagery of little people crawling back into vaginas to expire with affection "Umm, excuse me Martha you seem to have something crawling up your leg" "Oh that's just David" "He's going to crawl into your vagina isn't he?" "Well that is the natural way of things honey" "He's going to die in there isn't he?" "It's what he wanted" "Does that mean we're not going to have sex later?"
Admittedly, it's an idea that needs some work. But I don't think there's any questioning that whatever crawled up your vagina and died...KICKS ASS!!!!!