Thursday, July 17, 2008

Pepsi Man!!


If you ever wanted proof that Japan is a superior nation, Pepsi Man is it. You want to know why the ice shelf is melting? It's because those fool polar bears got tricked into shilling for Coca-Cola, never knowing that it would require the powers of Pepsi Man to quench the ice shelf's thirst (and reverse the damage of global warming and oncoming ecological distaster, but that's another story)

To be honest, I'm not really a big fan of Pepsi to start with. It's overly sweet, doesn't even come close to packing enough caffiene, and when warm tastes eerily similar to (I'd imagine) a loogey hawked up by Mrs. Butterworth.

But who cares? It could be the Reverend Jim Jones' secret recipe for Guayana Kool Aid, and if Pepsi Man was selling it? I'd drink it by the gallon. Pepsi man's got his own video game, multiple commercials, and a cult of personality that makes the peoples' temple look like a bunch of wannabe leftist hippie types under the sway of an extermely charismatic religious leader who was obviously going to lead them to their unfortunate demise.

Kickass Q&A

Interviewer: But Steve? What of Pepsi Man's obvious fighting prowess?
Steve: I'm so glad you asked. When I first saw Pepsi Man, I too thought "Holy shit, the japanese totally ripped off the silver surfer and made him shill Pepsi!". But nothing could be further from the truth, for while Pepsi Man does get his ass handed to him in multiple commercials. He is an expert snowboarder, pro surfer, and well let's look at a few instances...

Commercial:
Scene: A mother is trying to calm her crying toddler. Her gentle maternal words are having no effect on the upset youth. Pepsi Man runs down the street, bursts into the kitchen & gives the kid (and the kid's mom, who's a total MILF) a pepsi. Kid shuts right the f**k up.

Videogame:
Scene: "There's a bunch of people down by the wharf! They're really hot and I think they're going to RIOT! If only there was something to cool them down and quench their thirst!!"
you think they call the cops? Yeah right!

Pepsi Man Kicks Ass!!

The Birth of Kickass Tiger

If you're like me, you've probably wondered "Shit, why does everything suck here? Where's all the kickass shit at?"

Well today is your lucky day buckaroo! You've stumbled onto the home of kickass shit! That's right mofo! You're at kickasstiger! Where everything kicks ass!!